[BULLETPROOF]

3:48pm: ADD MY NEW USERNAME
Hey guys, If anyone still comes to look here. [!!]
I have a new livejournal username.
This one just, isn't me anymore.
So go add me if you like, of course I'll add you back ! :)

Hope to see you all there >_< !

GO GO GO ! :P

eilias

4:54pm: Yesterday was my 18th Birthday, Muhoohar. :)

And I have NO fucking idea why, but I have tried at LEAST 20 times now with NO exaggeration to post these pictures, but livejournal wont let me.
You can have a look at my blog though if you like, at least THAT worked for me the first time.

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=3880575

Is lj being a bit funny with anyone else ?
I tried everything, it just wont let me post it !

10:05pm: Illustration I done didded. :)
I'm not dead I swear ! I am indeed alive!
Just :\

Thought I'd post this here. :)

I made this on adobe illustrator, I'm still very new to it, and it shows!
But I wanted to post something here as I haven't set foot here for, Months....

Have a look if you like.
Tell me what you think ! :)



( Clickity click for bigger size )

How is everybody doing ?
I hope you're all very well! I miss you guys !
I've been SO fucking busy the past few months, and had a lot of worry / stress when I don't need it!!!
A situation I'm actually still in....
Lets just say I'm being tested to the limit, in more ways than one, as life shits all over me once again!

1:57am: Roarr !


Rarrrr !
I woke up with big hair and a bad temper. I therefore decided that I had transformed into a lioness overnight :) Please ignore the fact I look like a total man :o


It has come to my attention that I haven't updated for a while. And after thinking about it, I decided that I am going to use this journal to post mostly my artwork and photos etc. And Maybe just a little about what's going on with me. This is because, As I have said time and time again, I have just forgotten how to update this thing altogether! And my boyfirned just send me adobe illustrator, which I have been after for AGES, so i'll be playing about on that quite a bit I would think :) :D

So, there you go. :)

Oh also, I'm thinking of a new alias for my new website. A MODELLING website. Yes, you heard it here first. And just a new alias altogether. I just don't think rancid placenta is really me any more ;D If anyone has any suggestions that you think would suit me that would be smashing ! :)

9:37pm: I haven't been online much at all lately, I can't be fucking arsed with too much any more. I'm just so busy constantly.

Today was the clothes show.
I am now penniless.
And Tired.
:)

12:58am: Clothes show anyone ?
So.
Who's going to the clothes show live this year ?
:)

http://www.clotheshowlive.com/

12:07am:

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4:45pm: Oh and a new icon too.
( Read more... )

TAKE THAT, FRIENDS PAGE.
[Okay so I put it under a cut.. BOTHERED. ]


Yesterday I was trying for ours to think what animal I resemble in this picture. I've now reached the conclusion that it's a horse. :) Nay! And all that.

Also, my hair is extremely dry. Woe.

Aside from camera whore updates, I don't actually have any news at all.
In fact I'm only here because my MSN just WON'T let me type to anyone. Or let them type to me, it seems. I've even tried e-messenger, but to no avail. Computers hate me, end of.

Uhmm what to say what to say.....
College is good. I thought returning would be harder than this but it's bearable. The course is dragging a little but I still enjoy it lots :) Plus my friends are there, etc.
Hmm...
I still don't have a job... shock shock horror horror... sing it to get the full effect :) Yes, the only occupation I can withhold at the moment is student bum. Still. I shall keep my hopes up.
God, I have no idea what to write here any more. Which makes me sad. I have a hell of a lot to say, but it stays with me instead. It won't come out !! My brain is blocked.

Oh I joined the gym recently, go me! After years and years of wanting to & procrastination, FINALLY I have. I love it. I think I'm going tomorrow, which is a good thing. A very, very good thing.
"Diet" starts tomorrow too I think. I'm fed up.

That's about it. Stay tuned for MORE ENTHRALLINGLY exciting updates from Miss Chloe.
Maybe.

</center>

9:53pm: Mental Menstruum


Once again, I return from London Town in one piece. [Just].
It was fun, apart from almost loosing my shoe and having to do a nose dive onto a train. Rush hour is such a happy time.
Although we went purely just to look around / have a toot in the museums, I did purchase a few nice things whilst I was there. Such as this lovely pendant / watch that I'm sure everyone on this earth has;



From camden market, of course. :)

Other than that, I have been working a hell of a lot on my college work. Deadline is in fact on thursday, I'd better get my behind in gear if I wish to pass this project.
Tomorrow, hair cut, FINALLY !!!!!! I can't wait. And I have no REAL idea as to what it's going to turn out like, so you'll have to wait and see won't you ? :)

11:14pm: The otherside
If I'm being perfectly honest with myself I've wanted to update for the longest time. However is had proved exceedingly difficult as the fact of the matter is; I have absolutely nothing to update about.

Filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler.

I would post more photographs / drawings, however I lack creativity and / or the use of a genuinely good camera. I have created a few more drawings though, and when I do actually get round to scanning the beasts in I will surely post them.

I have started making this public because in all honesty It felt right to do so. I've grown up & realized that not everything has to be kept secret. And although I feel as though I'm getting nowhere; I have nothing to hide.

I'm so very close to giving up on live journal all together. After 4 years it has began to bore me terribly. Not only that, but it seems almost everyone is becoming bored with me. Nothing new there then.
Although the idea of killing this journal off is extremely tempting, I am going to resist because I know all too well that if I do, within 2 days or so I will come crawling back. This little journal has been my backbone for the past 4 years, even though it may not seem so at times, It has. Too many memories are enclosed here; And I wouldn't ever want them to just vanish. Whether they are good or bad, they were part of who I was / what I went through, and made me who I am today. I want to be able to look back on them and feel proud, no matter what I read.

9:46pm: HELP
Does anyone know AT ALL if there are any universities that do a combined photography / illustration courses ? Or something similar ?
ANY feedback will be a lot of help !!! Thank you :) !!!!!!!!!!

5:29pm:

I don't know if I like this at all. I wish I had a better camera... sigh.

1:44am: Well. It's nice to know that people like to hack my journal for fun.

2:56pm: Disposition
It's official, I'm highly addicted to the cure. Which scares me, as I despised them around a month ago. Hmmm.

I think at around 10:00 this morning I was going to bed.... AND TOMORROW. Tomorrow is BACK TO COLLEGE!! My sleeping pattern is EVIL, I TELL YOU and It shall ruin my student lifestyle and result in my failing. Or at least that is what I shall blame it on. I SHALL HAVE TO STAPLE MY EYELIDS SHUT. It is, in fact, the only way.
I'm actually looking forward to it if I'm being completely honest with myself. Even if It means I won't get to talk to bestest boy as much, Just to get out of the house and to be DOING SOMETHING will make me much happier as a whole. Yes it will. My second year, I feel old. I'm not used to feeling old at all. I AM YOUNG, I SHOULD NOT FEEL THIS WAY. Even though I have the mental capacity of an 85 year old woman. This is true. Oh, that is another thing I must add. My sister creature has one of those Nintendo DS contraptions, and I was having a fiddle with the game "Dr.Kawashima's brain Training: "How Old Is Your Brain?". It turns out that my brain is around 75 years old ? Which is not good for a 17 year old girl. I tested this three times to make it completely clear that my cushiony pink brain is turning into a vile grey mushy beast that is the same viscosity as watery dough.

It occurred to me yesterday that I no longer posses the knowledge of how to update this poor neglected journal. I can't physically write about my feelings anymore, and I can only talk to one person about them. I talk to them because they can understand EXACTLY what it is I'm going through, which in my books is quite astounding. They know who they are, yes, you. Thank you for all your help over the past few months, I couldn't have gotten through them if it wasn't for you. -Squidgehug-
I suppose I'm just worried terribly about what everyone may think about me if I wrote them down to somebody who didn't understand completely. I knew they would jump to conclusions straight away and voice their opinions; when all I wanted was to release my psychological state from it's rusty cage, so I wouldn't have to tend to it anymore. I don't always need an opinion on everything I write in this wretched box. Which has started to annoy me also. It's very claustrophobic, It's started to make me quite nervous.

Now I must go, as I have to get my utensils ready for the dreaded education land. And choose an outfit, yes I do actually feel as though I want to look PRESENTABLE for COLLEGE. This is somewhat strange for me; And will more than likely only last a week or so. If that.

Goodbye my little creatures.

2:50am: Some people on this earth are so fucking amazing. Constant inspirations.  And they don't even know it.

1:23am: It's sad. Really. When you have nobody to talk to. Or anyone to listen, in that case, but yourself.

4:29pm:

.

9:22pm: I didn't smile once today. I'm not myself lately.

So who am I ?

1:12am:

00:42 . I did try to go to sleep a few hours ago, but it's just work working at all. I just can't physically sleep at night. I find it's the only time I can concentrate the most. Not that I'm concentrating right now. Not that I ever TRY to concentrate... it just sort of happens. invoulntarily. Which really is quite annoying when you're trying to rest your mushy head goop.
I keep catching eye of my refection in a silver ball I purchased that is now placed on this here desk. No reason really, it's just a silver ball. I wanted a lucky silver ball, and it was there , staring at me. So I bought it. For the price of one whole British pound. When I hold it, It's just like being inside one of Escher's paintings.
Feeling quite frustrated at the moment, and you can take that any which way you want to. I like W's. They are the best letter I find, and take up the most room...I think. AEIOU's are overrated. Silly caterpillar. Now his song is in my head.
My tummybox feels broken.
Trafford centre tomorrow I do believe, should be fun. I'm hoping. I'm still worried though. Why can't I stop worrying? I worry about everything. I suppose it's just me. No, wait, it's everything around me's fault for MAKING me worry. stupid... things. Silly me.
Sometimes I wish I could just live in a big black box. But then again, I'm calustrophobic. So that wouldn't work either. I should wrap myself in bubble wrap & foam and throw myself off a cliff edge. I bet that would feel nice. And I could say that I lived to tell the tale. And write a book about it. Although, there wouldn't be much to tell. I would just like to know what I thought as I was falling to the ground, what would be going through my head. Would my life be flashing before my eyes ? Would I we scared? Worried ? Or would I hit the ground with a smile on my face ? I don't suppose many people have lived to speak of what was in their head. But then again, I might want to keep it a secret and cradle myself in the knowlege that nobody else has.

There was a storm here earlier, I wanted to go for a walk in it. I love storms. I wanted to run and spin around with my arms outstretched kissing the rain. But I couldn't. I should have anyway. It lasted a long time.
I hope it returns. Come back storm.
I hope next time the lightning is purple and red as it was this time last year. That was beautiful. Though I think that only happens once every blue moon.

Nothing makes sense anymore. I analyze everything far too much for my own good. I read into every word, every letter, in between the letters. It's getting rediculous. 01:12.

10:19pm: Oh hello again.
Seeing Niki and Pete on big brother made my heart melt and explode at the same time.
I mean...
I'm screaming at the TV and shaking violently... Becasue I'm excited for them both.
However.
It made me realise.
No matter how much I deny the feelings I once had for that certain person, really deep down inside of me, where the monsters vomit cherry hearts and glitter... I'm still supressing the same feelings.
They haven't changed, but everything else did.
This has made me a very very unhappy pickle.
But it still makes me smile, becasue now I know what those feelings mean... and how they're transferring from that person to better things.
Under all the layers I've built up to protect myself from being hurt again, I know these feelings are what have hurt me in the past, but they are also what will heal me.
And to be honest,
I don't ever want them to go away.

12:21pm: This fever for you is just burning me up inside
Well I must say that last night was the most horrific night's sleep I have had in years. I decided to go to bed fairly early, As I had a bad day, plus I had been festering on this machine all day and didn't want to rot all night too. After roughly 3 minutes of lying there, a rather large, too friendly spider came crawling up my bedsheets towards my face. I did actually call for help after evacuating my cradle at record speed but nobody would help this damsel in distress, they were far too busy sleeping. Needless to say I could not sleep in that room knowing it was still around somewhere, [it had dissapeared and hidden somewhere, probably sniggering at me and feeling proud], so I decided to sleep on the couch downstairs.
Now, this didn't seem like a partiularly good idea at the time, and I was right, it proved to be less and less of a good idea as the night went on. Because I'm actually so ungodly tall, I was far too big for the couch and so I slept in various horrible uncomfortable positions throughout the early hours of the morning. My back hurt, my neck hurt, my head hurt, my bellybox hurt, everything hurt. And it still does now. Even my EYES hurt. To make matters even worse, It was positively blistering, and this being the incredibly dodgy council estate that it is, I could not open a window downstairs at night. And while I was suffering this horrible fate all along Spidy was in that giant bed all snuggly and comfortable. I like friendly spiders, but that was just plain rude. If he wanted the bed he could have just asked.
I was awoken this morning at around 7:30AM by my sister with her daughter for me to look after. Raven has now found my bellybutton and likes to play with it. This I do not like. I hate anybody touching my belly button, But it keeps her jolly, so I poke it and make beeping noises to cover my cringes.

Other than that I don't have much to say. I never have much to say anymore, I keep to myself more than usual. But It doesn't bother me, and it means I don't bother other people. Which seems perfect, in my books.
On friday I will be going to bedford for a day, then continuing onto Belgium for another day, then returning. It will be my first time out of the UK. How incredibly sad! I'm hoping to buy a few bottles of duty-free perfume. Oh yes, I'm exctited about that. I'm thinking Anna sui. Yes.
Of course the day we return here we're going straight up to scotland. For a week, maybe two, but we aren't sure yet. Woe is me. I'm not looking forward to it , but I am. I Haven't been up there for 3 years now, I miss it so. Also I will be able to take many beautiful pictures, there are plenty decrepit castles and such 5 minutes walk from my fathers house. I will enjoy it, but in the time that I'm there something will be constantly plaguing my mind. Oh well, I'll just have to enjoy it as best I can.
I'll see you all in a few weeks time then.

Oh and fraulein_tumor good luck with your surgery!! Recover quickly, or I will ... set the silverfish on you ! xx

1:27pm: Oh shi-

Bugger.

2:16pm: I'm in one of those moods. I blame extreme Lack of sleep.


This ones for Hollie.








ORLY?

6:33pm: Living alone, Can't stand this place.
I finally remembered who he reminds me of. Kelso from the 70's show. Same hair, same cheeky smile, [Meltmelt], and just as immature. I have no real idea why it took me so long to realize this, as I watch the show everyday. It must be my old age.

Feeling very inspired at the moment, although my artistic bursts are usually very short lived. I need to draw / paint more. I don't seem to have any other way of venting my feelings these days. I say I don't, what I really mean is I can't be bothered to do such things.

Mother went away on Thursday, and won't be back until Monday. I would have a party, but, of course that would entail cleaning the house before hand as well as after, and again I'm far too lazy. So it's just me currently rattling round in this large hollow house. I don't like being alone. I don't even have my goldfish to talk to when I'm lonely anymore.

Nobody wishes to employ me, STILL. If I have to hand another CV out I will reach into my ears and remove my brain manually. I feel like a hobo. I probably smell like one too. If I put my mind to it I'm certain I could thieve a shopping trolley from the nearest tesco and make a considerable amount of money from begging.

I've also noticed that my posts on here don't fit together anymore. Each paragraph in an entry consists of several subjects, as well as me not being able to elaborate on anything for more than a few lines. I just have nothing to say anymore. I don't even come on here anymore, only to read the peoples journals I find interesting. In fact, I'm going to do a huge cut in my friends list later on, only so that I don't have to wade my way through the list to get to the peoples journals I wish to read. Which is, to be perfectly frank, very few.
It goes without question that I'm turning into a heartless bitch who hardly has time for anyone else. But Don't you think it's my turn already? I'm sick of being used as the doormat over and over again and It makes me feel sick to think I've taken it for so long.

12:36pm: Mmmmm contrast.


Along with everything else that's wrong with this picture, I ultimately look as though I'm about to burst into tears. I just wanted to show off my new 8mm flesh tunnels that I purchased today. Yes, emo. But I didn't particularly fancy having a neon pink fang like creature sticking out of my ears, so the metal ones where the first choice. I don't think they suit me, but they might grow on me. I hope.
I seriously need to do something with my wretched fringe.

I went into college this morning, after my tutor nagging at a friend of mine and I that we missed in important day. Maybe if she'd told us about it we'd have been there. But oh well. Upon entering college I was greeted by a thousand and one compliments, not only about my hair but also my skin. I stood in the corner with a sort of terrified half smile on my face. I have no idea how to react to compliments, I felt overwhelmed. Though I must admit it makes a nice change. I blushed a lot, As I always do. It was embarrassing.

I did have a good day today, and it was very nice to spend some time with my mother for once. Along with my tunnels I bought a reduced leaopard print dress [black and white] and some nice new shoes, with a lovely herringbone print, My favorite. Happyface. Aswell I got a KISS t-shirt, which has a print on the back as well as the front, so I will be making two shirts later on. It gives me something constructive to do, rather than being on here all day festering.

Happy happy happy.

So, how was your day ? :)